– please put yourself and your future in no
more than 4000 signs (including spaces)
I’m 21 years old and a smoker, drinker,
liar and dilettante. I suffer from depression, excess despise, sarcasm
and sexual frustration. I personally state I have been in education
incessantly since the innocent age of 7, graduated from high school
about the same time I desired to terminate my existence, and entered
university almost only in order to regret the decision of remaining
alive. What appalls me most in the academic world is the banalisation
of ambitions, assassination of enthusiasm and celebration of summary
and quotation. It is my wish to continue education because I cling to
the remnants of a belief in the value of knowledge, and because society
would see no value in me without a paper degree adorning my wall. One
of the extraordinary qualities I possess is an abnormally large
bladder, ideally fit for long-hour examinations without interruptions.
In the future I envision myself a bitter
underpaid professor, typing up spiteful publications, say, on the
awkwardness and inaccuracy of the English translations of Hlasko from
the 60s. I see the burden of education increasingly overcoming any
initial freshness and creativity, as well as respect for other human
beings, which should most likely result in the transformation of my
soul into another ill-fitting by-product of the post-capitalist,
neo-liberal society. At that point I am expecting to still be indebted
(quite literally) to my parents, as well as, possibly, the State, and
quite sure to survive through professional obligations only in hope of
a leave that I would probably only sleep through (due to exhaustion)
and never touch upon all the un-even-began creative work I wish I could
be doing now. Another career path I am considering is becoming
institutionalized, maybe confined in my own room in the fashion of a
hikikomori, or alternatively taking up a full-time dependency –
perhaps on medicine.
So far my work experience has taught me that no
matter what, I will be uninformed of the meaning of my work, looked
down on, and underpaid, and so there is little point in actually making
an effort, and a lot more point in using and abusing the
employer’s internet connection, photocopier, and stationery. I
wish I could say I was voluntarily involved in helping other people,
but despite the purest intentions, I was not; the involuntary,
income-oriented activities proved to burn all time, energy and
inspiration for compassion and humanitarianism.
I wish to study in the United Kingdom, because my
country, on the grounds of joining the European Union, was lucky enough
to be granted sufficient rights for its citizens to enter, study, and
work in a state much better off economically, politically, and
culturally [this was a few years ago.] Considering the current
situation, similarly to at least another million of my compatriots, I
did not need asking twice. I must say I harbour some patriotic
feelings, as well as wish to maintain ties with family and friends, but
given the perhaps false impression of a chance, I am willing to follow
and fall into the trap of emigration.
Please consider my application with pity; I
believe I can do better.
© Marta Lucy Summer 2010. All rights
reserved.
